Because I Said So? Not Anymore

“Why?”

It’s one of the most powerful questions we can ask—and one of the most important things we can explain.

When people understand why a decision was made or a rule exists, they gain context—and context builds trust, clarity, and buy-in.

Years ago, when my former spouse’s daughter came to live with us, she said something I’ll never forget:

“Lisa, you always tell me why. You never say ‘because I said so.’”

That was music to my ears.

She was 14—smart, intuitive, and aware. She didn’t just need rules. She needed the big picture. And when she had it, she made great choices.

On the flip side…

An assistant once asked me, “How does so-and-so take their coffee?”

I paused: “Why do you ask?”

“She’s running late and asked me to grab it for her.”

“In that case,” I said, “she drinks decaf.”

Context matters.

The why changed everything.

And science backs it up:

Behavioral research shows that when people understand why, they’re significantly more likely to engage, comply, and collaborate.

Psychologist Ellen Langer’s famous study found that just adding a reason—even a weak one—increased cooperation. Our brains crave explanation. It gives us a sense of certainty and control.

Whether you’re parenting or leading a team:

When you don’t give the why, confusion and resistance follow.

When you do, people align—and thrive.

So let me ask you:

Where in your life—personally or professionally—does your “why” need a little more airtime?